a 16 year olds crap.

so basically i havent got out of bed all day, i just went downstairs and dion said her friends coming round, theres always bloody other people in this house, so now its either get ready or stay in my room all night and i cant be arsed to get ready at such a late time. im going to go and order the script tickets for me and my mum for her birthday now, work again tomorrow, thank god its the end of easter eggs, tomorrow is a new day and i cant wait to diet.

even though his far away, we'v always been as close as two people who spend every minute with each other, we would never go a day without speaking to eah other online and if we did we would ring one an other, the distance meant that we would tell each other everything, mainly because of the fact we knew know one would find out as we dont live near one an another, but its all changed, i know him and ellie are 'together' but he wernt even sure he liked her that much, he didnt want to tell me, but i made him, i hate not knowing stuff, i said its fine, but he even admitted a cute text wouldnt get him out of the mess he had gotten himself into, i wonder if he thought of me once.

i said to daniel sorry for all the annoying things i had done to him and he said are you on some suicel note thing apligising for everything, that made me laugh, ' so everything i do is annoying' but he said ' no, i'd slap you ya know, and call you silly' ...'if what, i attempted suicide' ...'yes'

last night a big row kicked off between me and dad again, he said he didnt want me living here no more, but mum said if i go she goes, then he come in saying how if him and mum split up it would all be my fault, when your own parent doesnt seem to want you here, you start to questiont he point in actually existing. oh well, i tidied my room today, its so clean, mum will be happy. i have twilight on dvd, so im goign to watch that later, i love that film isnt half as good as the books though, i still have my cold, shoudl of gone into school today but didnt wake up till late, inbetweeners tonight, have a good night guys xx

this song cheers me up, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Al9blQOhNw 

i feel so ill,
headache
earache
sore throat
just a cold.

i went into school today to help sophie with her work and i have to go in tomorrow aswell, im watching shamless , its nothing compared to skins, i want my fringe to hurry up and grow out, its my birthday soon, i dont know what to do.:/

Before ;



With johnny taylor;

with leon from x factor;


 

so i'm sitting here now, with rollers in my hair, that i have to sleep like grrr ha :/ i'm quite excited for tomorrow, jason mraz concert :D me becky georgia and shannen, i'm leaving my house about 12 and then going to meet them, then beckys dad is taking us and we're staying there that night :) i dont really know alot of his songs actually ha, but it was just soo hard to find someone that we all actually agreed we wouldnt mind going to see in concert,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9iraoHE6JlY
have a listen :)
should be a good night, anyway yeah ill speak to you lot sunday, have a great weekend xx

so basically reyanne flemmed all ove my english book.
so i went and told the head,
and now tom and her is saying, why did i go to the head and not just have ago at her if i have a problem.
well she obviously has a problem with me if she done that, so why didnt she have ago at me to my face, instead of ruining my work when im not in the classroom?
and the reason for her doing all this is...
because im apparently a 'snob'

i revised for history last night, the exam went great today
i think im ready for my photography exam tomorrow, just a few bits left to do
i cleant my room entirley, and its tidy aswell
i'm on a new diet and the scales were wrong the other day anyway, so i only have like a stone to loose
i have worked recently, so now have the money to pay off my dress.

all thats left to do, is media coursework, photography bits and to read the english stories.

i just had a massive row with dad though, he was shouting in my face and i kept saying ' it has no effect on me when you shout like that, just speak in a normal voice' then he would shout louder and i'd repeat my self, i dislike him so much right now.

i feel so down,
mum said int he car earlier, she remembers when i wanteds to go somewhere, now i just give up so easily.
basically it was 'enrichment' day at school, which is just pointless
so i said ill work instead for a couple of hours and go to school at 3 to catch up class
then i just couldnt be bothered, so i didnt go
my photography exam is tuesday i need to have taken 300 pictures, i dont even have 10
where i had my hair cut yesterday, my room needs hoovering and its the messiest its ever been,
i've put on 2 stone and although im no bigger than a size 10 at the moment, i feel discusting
i was meant to go to rehersal for the prom fashion show, but i didnt go so i cant do the fashion show friday
i got asked to do a fashion show thing for tony and guy and something else in june, but its on the date of my prom
my history exam is monday and i havent revised
i have 12 stories to read for english
i owe £70 for the rest of my dress, yet i have a concert in london to attend next week
i just dont know where to start.
or if to even bother starting.

POEM
15 years and 11 months to be precise
you've always been there with your input of advice

i've grown up and theres things ive outgrew
but my dreams and hopes youve always encourged me to pursue

i know it cant be easy putting up with my ways
buts lets just hope its true when they say' its just a teenage phase'

my moods in the morning i know arnt entirley a great pleasure
but the happys times we know we can both always treasure

remmeber when i would literally have to look up to you
but the years have made things chnage for both me and you

remember when i needed help to tie the laces on my shoes
but now you just think my life is mainly, late nights and booze.

remember when i wouldnt go to sleep until you had tucked me into bed
if it wasnt for good old mothers day things like this would go unsaid

remember when it was up to you how i would look and dress
the years have past so quickly whilst you've watched me progress

remember how when your young things are solved so easily
now occasionley we have our arguments and the odd slight disagree

i remember everything like it was yesterday
and i love you just as much in every single way.

anddddddddd friday was a pretty nifty party :)
 

 
 
x x x

so i just gave jj a comeback that shut him up so bad !
he always calls me an immigrant just joking around
even though i'm english :z haaa, anyway
I had ' happy birthday amia' in my msn name
and he was like, 'another foreign name'
so i said 'jake, another common name'
he said ' how many jakes do you know?'
i said '6' he went ' well i know 8 demi's '
i said ' thats nice for you'
he said, ' not really there all stuck up cun*s'
so i said '

well i would return the insult by saying the jakes all are too, but your actually the only one that happens to be a prick.

today was funny. I had to go up on stage in front of the entire year and then people had to put up there hands and say 3 things they liked about me for this roadshow thing, bradley thought it woulf be funny to say ' shes good at talking dirty' i was so embarrised and then emma put her hand up and said ' she does a good borat voice' and then sophie said 'shes funny' i must have sounded like a right freak haa, i got mum mothers day make up and her card, i need to write a poem to go in it though :/ amias 2 tomorrow, i got her a peppa pig umbrella, i hope she likes it.

so today i found out something weird from mum.
Dad tried to kill himself when he was 21, but said i cant say anything.
I asked her if she's still not sure about being with dad and she said, she knows she could be happier, but if she left dad she thinks he would end his life, i tried telling her i dont think he would, just because of all of us, i thought it was selfish, it was like she was saying, shes the only thing that dad lives for, even though i told her i disagreed, i think its true you know, i don think he would carry on, i dont think he would even try.

what a nice day it was today, i wrote ryan a poem,

Its been a while since we last talked till midnight
the odd chit chats we've had i spose have been alright,

it's funny how many few times we have actually met,
although we have enough plans for a life time ahead, dont forget.

how about those texts ' are you still awake'
if the other one wernt, what a mistake

it's cute how we always ask each other for advice on what to do,
after maybe a few debates we get each other through

i cant believe some people do actually talk our chav lingo
the kids of clacton and harwich are lovely, as we know.

although i miss talking, if its been a few days
i know its ok and its just a slight phase

one day we are going to drive somewhere so far,
with absoultley nothing, just me and you, in our broken car.

well i guess every poem ends on a soppy note,
so not to mess it up, i love you, i quote :)

 

i dont know where to start really, basically last night everyone at home was arguing, jade went mad at mum because apparently im a spoilt brat and mum lets me walk all over her, then dion come and told me what jade was saying so they started arguing, then mum started talking to dad about it and they started arguing, i just sat in my room and come to the conclusion that i was not sitting in.

Anyway i went to bens, about 10 i got there, we just talked and watched a film and was on msn, he thinks i talk alot to, i actually think i talk loads. anyway, it was weird. i feel nothing at all for him, he probably thinks i do asi went round there, but seriously i just wanted to get away from home for a bit, we kissed and then i asked him, ' do you actually like me or did you just want me round' and he said 'no i do actually like you, i sthat the answer you wanted?' to be honest it wasnt, if he just wanted me round there for one thing, i could have and would have quite easily put him in his place and said no, but knowing he actually likes me, just made everything 10 x worst, he is a nice boy and maybe it would be good if i felt something for him, but i dont , not one tiny bit, so im just going to not talk for him for a while. The thing is, he thinks im so nice, he just doesnt get it all.


I liked to mum, i gave her one big story about how me, shannen and james and sam stayed there, i dont like lieing, its just i knew she wouldnt be happy if i told her the truth, and although nothing happend , she still wouldnt be satisfied. Will asked me to go round his today, i said no thanks, i think im giving up on this malarky, in the last 8 months, ive kissed 8 boys, none of them anything special. I just, i dont feel nothing for no one really, i woke up this morning and i actuallt felt guilty, walking along in the sun and breeze, i had time to think, that maybe all this lieing and actions of a teenager, isnt quite what its made out to be, oh i dont know.

And these 2 gorg boys drove past and then they drove round again and started waving at me, woo go me ;) im going to persuade mum and dad to go out for a drink, so i can go with them, then there probably want to go for a meal, anything but sitting in please =]

so i text louise saying ' im not out this weekend and id ont like adam'
and today i just asked her to tell me the 100% truth about what he said
' i dont know her enough to like her really' she said that was the worst of it
turns out shannen lied, by saying lou had lied to me, its all confusing
but basically whats quite funnier is, we're all suppoosed to be best friends.

anyway im staying in tonight, i had a bath and now cant be bothered to move,
i might get some coursework done, and watch 7 pounds later, orr
i might go to bed really early, and plan to do something a tad exciting tomorrow
so im not in bed all day like i usually am on a saturday daytime,
i havent done nothign on a saturday day for so long,
where the friday night before has usually been hetic, so sleep is need saturday

louise showed me a text of sam saying how he is in love with her,
i could feel the false' awww' coming up, as soon as she got her phone out.

non uniform day today, friday the 13th, for some reason, these kinda days are always good
the day was just hilarious, some talent show at lunch, everyone was crap, very funny.
anyone watch skins last night ? was bloody brilliant i though.

turns out louise lied.
he didnt say he thinks im a lovely girl and just didnt want to mess me around.
he said he doesnt like me, he was just drunk.

so why did he act like it in the morning? its just because i was there at the time, any girl is a girl to be honest.
i gave his brother back his jacket this morning.

but now i feel like i twat, louise was telling me to go for it, she thinks he will change his mine, i mean its ok putting something in a nice way so not to hurt your friend, but lieing completley is just another thing and i cant confront her about it because shannen told me not to say nothing.

I dont know if its just me, but having to listen to your friends talk and talk about them and there ' loved ones' really irrates me, i mean dont get me wrong i do think 'aw' buts its a kind of , ' if im not loved, then im not going to be happy about you being loved kind of aw' the worst thing when everythings not going perfect with the person you like, is having to listen about someone else go on about how everything is perfect for them, anyone feeling this ?

so basically louise was round sams tonight, adam was there.
Sam looked through his inbox, and apparently theres no messages from me so i have the wrong number.
which left me thinking, so basically he just hasnt bothered getting in contact with me anyway, & i suppose he thought the same about me.

I told her to speak to him, or else it would just be playing on my mind, although i think the truth is always the best policy, even if it hurts, breaks a thousand things, or the person simply dont want to hear it, its annoying once you know.

anyway she text me saying
'i spoke to him, he thinks your a lovely girl and everything but doesnt want to mess you around, he is not ready for a relationship right now and feels bad. He wants to see you when your over though, i think in time he will change his mind :) x x x x x x x x x'

so what does that mean, is that just an excuse, i mean he could have at least text me that himself, or bothered texting me at all, or is that the truth, he isnt ready for a relationship.:/ im confused.